I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.
Psalm 57:2
David wrote this while he was in hiding, desparate to stay alive. What an odd thing to say when he is running to stay safe.
This day is a day where I am reminded that someone close has betrayed me and trampled my darkest secrets. I have been called a liar and a fool. I am not running for my life, but I don't want to move, I don't want to have to start all over. Don't want to have to begin again...what happens to all I have shared and offered?
What went on within David, who was annointed king, as he remembered Samuel pouring the oil over his head and blessing him as God's chosen king? What is going on in my heart as I have obeyed and followed and done what was asked on my part? God brought a mad man to hunt and chase and kill. God brought a man who has turned the tables and done great harm to my heart and my family.
"I cry out..." There is no where else to go.
"to God Most High" For we must never forget who You are and as Job said, "Still I will praise You." What is in my heart that I can still praise you? Still offer the pain and tears as offering of worship?
"who fulfills his purpose for me" And I believe that no one and nothing will get in the way of what You are doing in my life. You are still good and You are still a God at work in and through and around me. Bring good out of what is not good. That is who You are. Let me not wish evil, but do good. Let me believe that Your purposes will never be thwarted, for You are God. Bring healing, for You comfort those who mourn.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
DON'T YOU DARE!
I have cried off and on, probably in my sleep. Feeling like someone is interfering with what God is doing. This is no small thing! Fifteen years in the making and he is about to undo it all.
Why do we give so much power to other people?
"Show me the path I should go, O LORD: point out the right road for me to walk. Lead me; teach me; for you re the God who gives me salvation. I have no hope except in you. Overlook my youthful sins, O LORD! Look at me instead through eyes of mercy and forgivenss, through eyes of everlasting love and kindness." Psalm 25:4-7
Though all around me may seem to crash and take the worst turn, have I forgotten who holds my life? I have sought him when all seems lost and he has been my everlasting life. Now, again, the tables have turned and one has spilled the oil on the fire. But were they not surprised when four showed up instead of three? Were they not surprised when they were walking around and did not have any evivdence of fire?
I believe he still collects each tear. I believe he comes very close to those brokenhearted.
His name is Emmanuel. His name means to bring his very presence.
This day, we can, in a personal way, expect God himself to come close, to care, to pick us up and minister as only he can do. But this day, we can be very sure that His plans will not be thwarted by one who has tried to interfere and get us off track. They will not be stopped by one who has given wrong advice or devasting information, even one in a place of power for the kingdom. Because our hope is in God, his plans will not be turned or thwarted. He is still a redeeming God. He still wants to show off. He still loves to take an impossible situation and turn it around.
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it and he will. Rest in the Lord: wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37: 5, 7a
Man can do whatever he wants, but don't you dare think that you will ever get in the way of what my God is up to, no this day, not ever. I am a woman determined to wait for the deliverance of God! Are you?
Why do we give so much power to other people?
"Show me the path I should go, O LORD: point out the right road for me to walk. Lead me; teach me; for you re the God who gives me salvation. I have no hope except in you. Overlook my youthful sins, O LORD! Look at me instead through eyes of mercy and forgivenss, through eyes of everlasting love and kindness." Psalm 25:4-7
Though all around me may seem to crash and take the worst turn, have I forgotten who holds my life? I have sought him when all seems lost and he has been my everlasting life. Now, again, the tables have turned and one has spilled the oil on the fire. But were they not surprised when four showed up instead of three? Were they not surprised when they were walking around and did not have any evivdence of fire?
I believe he still collects each tear. I believe he comes very close to those brokenhearted.
His name is Emmanuel. His name means to bring his very presence.
This day, we can, in a personal way, expect God himself to come close, to care, to pick us up and minister as only he can do. But this day, we can be very sure that His plans will not be thwarted by one who has tried to interfere and get us off track. They will not be stopped by one who has given wrong advice or devasting information, even one in a place of power for the kingdom. Because our hope is in God, his plans will not be turned or thwarted. He is still a redeeming God. He still wants to show off. He still loves to take an impossible situation and turn it around.
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it and he will. Rest in the Lord: wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37: 5, 7a
Man can do whatever he wants, but don't you dare think that you will ever get in the way of what my God is up to, no this day, not ever. I am a woman determined to wait for the deliverance of God! Are you?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Did You Have a Good Day?
Let Him have all your worries and cares...
Another child out the door and on the bus. One more to go. But twenty more minutes.
I recall prayer last night,
"Lord, we know you hear our prayers. Lord, we know you answer our prayers. We are believing you to heal our mom. We have been asking you for years, we are not asking anyone else. Lord, we believe you are going to heal her..."
said the twelve year old daughter, a daughter believing in faith for the whole family, as a grandmother prays, after walking with God for 90 years.
And I sneak away for 20 more minutes to calm the pain down.
You have chosen not to heal. You have said, "No." Perhaps You have said, "Wait." and the wait is still no to me as I rush to the magic sheets that wrap around me.
I am not angry, just weary. We both know that laundry calls, that phone calls need returning and a floor is sticky. We both know that I would rather be taking a neighbor to lunch to talk to her about her life. But this day, and the three before it, I am given the bed and pain.
Because it comes through Your hand, because I believe You are good, You must have a greater story. But today, this day, I am so weary. I am alone. The tears that run down my face are collected again, and I pray that You receive them as worship.
My quick rest is awakened to the alarm and I pull myself up to gently awaken the last one. She dresses, she eats, she finds what is needed. We pray and give you honor. She rushes in the rain to the bus. I watch and am inside as the other moms are outside. No guilt for I know what is allowed. These mornings, I cannot bring my body to walk across the street. She has safely arrived and I climb the stairs and lay my head down in sacred homage as I safely arrive for where I am to spend the remainder of my day. I know this is what is allowed for me and the world goes about with the day, but I am here, alone in this bed. It seems that it is a waste of a day. It seems to serve no purpose to be in pain and to be alone but You have ordained and allowed, again, this day, this moment. Somehow use it.
...For He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you."
1Peter 5:7
Does a good God care that I suffer? Did you care that Peter was beaten and jailed? Did you care that Your own son was bruised and beaten?
It has been so long. I am weary. Surely You must have something more to do in me. Surely there must be something more that You are wanting me to know of Your heart.
The day is gone and I have slept. Your presence has never left me, nor has the pain. I eat, I shower, I am still weak and in pain.
The buses begin to arrive, as do the children.
"How was your day?"
"Great. And yours?"
"Mine? Mine was good, too."
"You don't look like it was good."
"Oh, it was good."
"What did you today?"
"Normal day. Come get a snack and tell me about your day."
After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness through Christ, will give you his eternal glory. He personally will come and pick you up and set you firmly in place, and make you stronger than ever. To him be all power over all things, forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
Another child out the door and on the bus. One more to go. But twenty more minutes.
I recall prayer last night,
"Lord, we know you hear our prayers. Lord, we know you answer our prayers. We are believing you to heal our mom. We have been asking you for years, we are not asking anyone else. Lord, we believe you are going to heal her..."
said the twelve year old daughter, a daughter believing in faith for the whole family, as a grandmother prays, after walking with God for 90 years.
And I sneak away for 20 more minutes to calm the pain down.
You have chosen not to heal. You have said, "No." Perhaps You have said, "Wait." and the wait is still no to me as I rush to the magic sheets that wrap around me.
I am not angry, just weary. We both know that laundry calls, that phone calls need returning and a floor is sticky. We both know that I would rather be taking a neighbor to lunch to talk to her about her life. But this day, and the three before it, I am given the bed and pain.
Because it comes through Your hand, because I believe You are good, You must have a greater story. But today, this day, I am so weary. I am alone. The tears that run down my face are collected again, and I pray that You receive them as worship.
My quick rest is awakened to the alarm and I pull myself up to gently awaken the last one. She dresses, she eats, she finds what is needed. We pray and give you honor. She rushes in the rain to the bus. I watch and am inside as the other moms are outside. No guilt for I know what is allowed. These mornings, I cannot bring my body to walk across the street. She has safely arrived and I climb the stairs and lay my head down in sacred homage as I safely arrive for where I am to spend the remainder of my day. I know this is what is allowed for me and the world goes about with the day, but I am here, alone in this bed. It seems that it is a waste of a day. It seems to serve no purpose to be in pain and to be alone but You have ordained and allowed, again, this day, this moment. Somehow use it.
...For He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you."
1Peter 5:7
Does a good God care that I suffer? Did you care that Peter was beaten and jailed? Did you care that Your own son was bruised and beaten?
It has been so long. I am weary. Surely You must have something more to do in me. Surely there must be something more that You are wanting me to know of Your heart.
The day is gone and I have slept. Your presence has never left me, nor has the pain. I eat, I shower, I am still weak and in pain.
The buses begin to arrive, as do the children.
"How was your day?"
"Great. And yours?"
"Mine? Mine was good, too."
"You don't look like it was good."
"Oh, it was good."
"What did you today?"
"Normal day. Come get a snack and tell me about your day."
After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness through Christ, will give you his eternal glory. He personally will come and pick you up and set you firmly in place, and make you stronger than ever. To him be all power over all things, forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
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