Sometimes the days can roll on and on and feel difficult. Each day, even more difficult than the one before. Faith may be strong, that is not even the issue. You may not be crying out, "Where are You God?!" But still you wonder when the tides will not be so turbulent and the peaceful shores will come and you can walk like along the shores in the cool of the night.
My days continue to be long and hard. The day is done and I am shutting the house down. I am aware that what happened to me today should not have gone as smoothly as it did. I went alone to a procedure. But I was not alone. For three hours, I did what was needed and I was calm. But after it was done, my body went into shock. I began to shake and my teeth were rattling. I began instructing the medical team what to do instead of putting me in an E.R. room, which is where they were headed.
"Get me a warm blanket," I calmly kept repeating. Questions were raised and nervous energy was exchanged among them and I just kept repeating my request, "Please, get me a warm blanket; you must calm my body down. My body has gone into shock. Look at me, I am calm but this is too much for my body to handle."
After several minutes of pleading with the nurse she understood I was right and left to get me a blanket convinced I wouldn't faint but while I was calm, my body wasn't. I needed a blanket and I would be okay. I needed to calm myself down. How odd that I am instructing her on what to do. I began to cry and wrapped myself in this warm blanket. My body had been overwhelmed with toxicity and it was just too much. The warmth of the blanket produced tears. As I cried, I wondered what the tears were for.
Do you ever ask yourself this when you cry?
In Psalm 43 he talks about his tears being his food both day and night. The writer is really down and says this:
Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember your kindness...through each day the LORD pours out his unfailing love upon me and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.
Psalm 43:5, 8
I was out of control today-I didn't like it a bit. But that blanket, that warm blanket was a reminder to me that I was okay. It was a reminder to me that Someone greater than I had ahold of me. See, I don't know the test results, I don't know the outcome of my days, just like some of you don't know the outcome of your test results. And it is all okay when you know the One who holds your life.
I wish for easier days ahead. I honestly do. I wish for quiet shores. But in the meantime, I am grateful for a warm that calmed my body down, even though my soul was very calm because I walk with Someone who gives me a quiet peace. I was very calm even though my body was freaking out. Today, this day, I am grateful for grace, covering me like a blanket. Do you experience this? For there is nothing like it when you are going through the deep waters.
